Busy life, busy home, going crazy??!!

Oh the joys of being a mom! We need more hours, more hands, more eyes and legs! But don’t worry we all feel this way at some point. Remember you are amazing and your kids love you. I have one child who is about to start driving so I’m not as busy as I have been but I have learned to plan and prioritize. Making sure I do not just for my family but for me as an individual. Don’t feel guilty for taking time for yourself, trust me your kids will thank you when you aren’t pulling your hair out and are relaxed 😉
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I have decided to write a few life savers for me, from organization to the dreaded dinner!  Keep in mind that it’s not perfect, and I do fall from it time to time but it has kept me a float in times of need.

Start with a timeline of your week, adding everyone’s schedules including your own “mom time” even if it’s just 30 minutes a week. There are a ton of free downloadable sheets on Pinterest, or even use your computer calendar. I go as far as using an old fashion calendar on the wall that I bought from the dollar store. My work schedule is on there, my son’s scheduled on there, paydays, weekend plans etc. Share with you family the schedule, and also the “mom time” aka DO NOT DISTURB. If you have more than one child add some one-on-one time with them during the week, again as simple as 15-30 minutes of focused time. And you couples…don’t forget your dates too…this is very important.  After you have put in place schedules, then add the household chores and shopping. The day you pick your grocery shopping is the day you should do your weekly meal planning.
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On to meal planning…what to make and how much time is always an issue. I have chosen to share a few of my favorite go-to meals. Easy and very delicious. One tip when I choose my weekly meal plan I look to see what is on sale and go from there, I keep my food budget around $80 a week. This includes breakfast, snacks and dinners, for about 5 days. I leave a couple of days for left overs and a day I call “fend for yourself”. This could be perfect for taking your “mom time” 🙂

Baked Spaghetti. My sons favorite! Yes simple and easy.
Choose a sauce your family likes, mine does NOT like chunky lol.
I use a veggie noodle or a gluten-free noodle
I buy 1 lb of sweet Italian sausage and 1 lb of lean ground beef or turkey
Shredded cheddar cheese

Cook the sausage and beef together, adding some Italian seasoning and garlic powder. Cook the noodles as directed on the package.
Once they are all cooked and drained mixed the meat and noodles together, adding some cheddar cheese. Place it all in a baking dish and then top with more cheddar cheese. Bake till hot and melted!

Nothing fancy but super easy and simple. To make it even easier, prep as above in a disposable pan, cover and freeze. When ready move from the freezer and place in the oven till hot all the way through.
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Shredded Chicken Tacos
This one is really easy and probably my favorite. I make more than needed so I have extra chicken for my lunches. 2 simple steps…1. add chicken to your crock-pot 2. Pour a jar of salsa over the chicken! That’s it 🙂 I do low for 8 hours, so its slow cooking all day long. Shred the chicken and make your tacos. I use the chicken and add brown rice and vegetables or add it to a salad and I have a couple lunches as well. I recommend 4 chicken breast (thick) to a jar of salsa. You choose what ever salsa you like. I have even used green verde.
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Melt in your mouth…Crock pot Pot Roast
Super easy and super amazing!!!

  • 1 packet Gravy, dry Brown
  • 1 packet Salad dressing – italian, dry
  • 1 packet Salad dressing – ranch, dry
  • 1/2 cup Water

Combine the Dry Ranch Dressing packet, the dry Italian Dressing and Brown Gravy packets with a 1/2 cup of water and pour over roast in a crock pot.  Another low for 8 hours. Serve with what ever your family desires!!
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SIMPLE SNACKS

Here are a few simple snacks to go that we love here:

  1. Grapes…I buy both red and green, clean and then divide all the grapes into baggies so they are easy to grab and snack
  2. Meat and Cheese…thinly sliced turkey and thinly sliced cheese (your choice) thin enough so you can roll them up. Put about 2-3 rolls in baggies, easy to go snack
  3. I love the Smart Pop white cheddar popcorn, but to keep me from eating the whole bag LOL again I divide it up into individual baggies. This is also cheaper than buying the already individual bags.
  4. Apples and peanut butter, my favorite. I cut the apples and put in baggies and I have small individual serving Tupperware that I put the peanut butter in.

MY GO TO LUNCH

Salad in a Jar 🙂 Most people who know me know I love my salad in a jar. You can prep 5 at a time for the week.

  1. Start with your favorite dressing
  2. Add your salad ingredients (wettest to driest)
  3. top with greens, pack in tight and put the mason jar lid on.

There’s no real recipe because it all depends on what you like in your salad.
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Some ingredient ideas:
tomatoes, cucumbers, red onion, asparagus, celery, peppers, carrots
mushrooms, zucchini, beans, lentils, peas, corn, broccoli
boiled eggs and cheese (feta, gouda, cheddar etc.)
rice, pasta, quinoa or couscous
nuts and greens as lettuce, spinach or arugula.

 

I really hope you enjoy some of these recipes and hope that the tips help to make your days a bit less hectic. Just remember you are not alone, we all feel overwhelmed sometimes, just take baby steps to getting things in order. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, or say NO if something doesn’t flow well with your life. Always leave time for yourself, rest, read, meditate, listen to music, what ever you need to do to bring you peace. Stay focused on your list and your time, soon it will flow easily and gracefully. Don’t overwhelm yourself and over think the future, only work on your list and organizations a week at a time until it comes naturally. Remember baby-steps 🙂

 

**recipes from Pinterest…there are some amazing one’s on there 🙂

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Day Trip #1

Wow what an amazing trip! Planned on making three stops and ended up making six stops. This state has so much to offer. Here was the route. Phoenix to Montezuma’s well to Montezuma’s Castle, to Page Springs winery, to Cottonwood, to Jerome, to Prescott and back down to Phoenix.  We left at 8am and were back home at 8pm. I had the best company, and I recommend traveling with people who have the same interest.

This was the first of my “one a month” day trips around AZ. And one of the best parts I didn’t have to drive so I could really enjoy the scenery and the beauty that AZ has to offer.  I packed snacks, we filled up for gas and we were off.

Montezuma’s Well. If you haven’t been there I recommend it, it’s a beautiful place. Unique and small but powerful in its presence. A single body of water, honestly not very big or deep that does sooo much. We hiked down and back up, then around the area reading about all the different vegetation. Its amazing what the desert offers.
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We then headed to Montezuma’s Castle, Indian ruins…now small but before was the structure that held multiple family members. Looking at the structure trying to guess what and who lived where, making up stories of the families, amazing how they lived, simple and innovative. Walked around and then down by the creek, seeing how the Indians lived and how beautiful their surroundings.
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WINE 🙂 Who knew there was wineries and vineyards in AZ 🙂 Ok a lot of people knew but I had no idea…especially that Yavapai college has their own wine and vineyard. We stopped at Page Springs, their location is absolutely beautiful, serene and relaxing. The wine…well what we sampled honestly wasn’t that good. But great company, beautiful surroundings made it worth it.
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That was all we had planned for the day, Montezuma’s Well, Montezuma’s Castle and Page Springs…but we were done with all that by 1pm and we even took our time at each location. So now what…let the wind take us where ever 😉  I was surprised with a stop in Cottonwood…Yavapai College Winery! and the wine was AMAZING!!! Left here and headed to Jerome, always loved this little ghost town but this day seemed exceptionally crowded. We didn’t stay long, but did have a sample of wine.  Back on the road to Prescott and had some dinner, then took the back road through Yarnell and Skull Valley back to Phoenix. The views and sunset are always amazing in Arizona. I absolutely love them. Some of the land and houses along the way so quaint and peaceful. There are so many little places though out the state that are worth seeing as you travel the roads of Arizona.
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Perfect day trip!! Next trip will be to Sedona…stay tuned 😉

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Goals

Goals…a word that can be the scariest yet most rewarding, big or little goals should always be a part of our lives.  What goals do you set? Goals can work in all aspects of our lives.  I have goals for everything, daily life, long term, personal, professional…and I have learned a few things over time. 1. its ok to change goals as your life changes, 2. set small goals to complete to help keep you motivated.
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When setting goals I like to start small and work my way to the bigger goals. While I have been working on my health I realized over the years I was expecting and doing to many changes all at once and then I would get discouraged and quit. So now my first goal is to work on my eating, then incorporate small exercises and work up to full time active workouts.  Its easier for my brain to focus on one step at a time, learning to walk before I run. When it comes to goal setting you need to focus on you and not people around you, going back to comparing…don’t compare where you are in your life to others. Focus on you and your goals.  For my health goals my first goal is my eating habits, I have chosen to cut out all process foods, make sure I’m eating the rainbow 😉 I do this with my Juice Plus, simple and easy!! http://nicolemorrison.juiceplus.com/us/en (yes my website;) )
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I try to eat at least 5 times a day, and yes I have a day where I splurge on unhealthy yumminess!! LOL  While I work on making my eating habits a healthy goal I have incorporated small at home exercises. I do 2 variations of planks, squats and counter-top push-ups. I do this every morning while my coffee is brewing. Simple but I feel accomplished because the goals I have set for myself are obtainable. Don’t let it get you down if you fall and take a few steps back, I have plenty of time…just keep getting up and keep moving towards your goals. Never give up.

When it comes to goals there are all different levels, start small and reach big. Make your goals realistic and obtainable. Be SMART about your goals. This is the best and simplest illustration to setting goals.
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Use these guidelines for all your goals, fitness, career, even relationships…although those are a little different and is a whole other blog 😉  Find someone to help you stay accountable and help support you and your goals. The best inspiration I found is making a vision board, its hanging up in my room where I can see it every day. I have a few goals that are small, some that lead to bigger goals and ones that well are private 🙂 You don’t have to share everything with everyone. Here are a few of my goals.

  1. Read one book a week
  2. Cut out all processed foods
  3. Travel once a month
  4. Pay off all debt
  5. Hike the 4 Peak Challenge
  6. Loose inches in my waist
  7. Start a retirement fund

I have a few more but there are a couple. As you can see there are small ones and big ones but every one is obtainable.

I have goals for my career and where I want to be and by when. I have a time line that I am staying focused on so I can reach a few of the goals above. I have goals for my personal relationships as well, both with friends and on a more romantic level. These goals don’t necessarily have time limit, but they do have “must have’s”. Write all your goals down, list them from small to big, celebrate when you have accomplished a goal. There is nothing wrong with being proud of yourself!!

No matter what do what makes YOU HAPPY!! Do what makes you want to achieve more!!  Share your goals with someone you trust to help you! Don’t give up and don’t get discouraged if you stray off the path, just get back on and keep going! Something I enjoy more than completing my own goals is seeing others complete their goals!!!
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Friendship

Definition of Friendship: A relationship between friends
amitycamaraderiefriendlinesscomradeshipcompanionshipfellowshipfellow                   feelingclosenessaffinityrapportunderstandingharmonyunityintimacy, mutual affection.
*a state of mutual trust and support between allied nations.
Definition of Acquaintance: a person one knows slightly, but who is not a close friend.
Definition of Loyalty: the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations.
*Loyalty connotes sentiment and the feeling of devotion that one holds for one’s country, creed, family, friends, etc.

I mention these words because it seems like people have forgotten what they mean and forgot that the two of them go hand in hand.

Lets talk friendship, there are so many different levels of friendship, but seems these days people forget there is a difference between Friendship with loyalty and an acquaintance.  Two different issues came across my life this past week and thought I would share them and share why I felt like I do and why the confusion of friendship, acquaintance and loyalty come into play.

First I want to say that I take pride in my friendships, I love them all, I treat them like family, siblings because I don’t have any . But I have learned over the years friendships die, burn out sometimes naturally from changing lives and sometimes from hurt and disappointment. I have friends I don’t see very often but we are in constant contact. I have some that I see on a regular basis. Then I have acquaintances, people who I choose to share parts of my life with but a relationship hasn’t been formed OR the friendship turned into an acquaintance.

Friend to Acquaintance = lack of communication, one-sided friendship, these are a few things that lead to this. And once this happens the relationship has changed.

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I had this friend who I have known for well 25+ years, for a while we were very close but for the last couple years its been off. Little “Hi’s” on Facebook, but no real communication. This person wasn’t there for me during my divorce or when I went though a major health issue with my heart. They would come into town and I’d never hear from them. So to me the friendship had become and Acquaintance, but this person wanted to question my loyalty as a friend when I started dating a guy she had gone on two dates with months before. A big factor is I had no idea they had even dated until he let me know out of respect for me. I didn’t see an issue, her and I at this point were just acquaintances, there was no friendship, no lines had been crossed. When she asked if we were dating and I quote said “I guess you could say that” she then told me they dated too and that she was happy for me. Apparently that was a lie because she deleted both of us and sent him a not so nice message and sent us both a “loyalty” meme.  If we were friends and I had known ahead of time they had dated I would not have moved my relationship with him further. However that’s not the case and I feel what this comes down to is jealousy. Maybe now she has realized what a great guy he is, or maybe she doesn’t want me to be happy either way in my eyes shes’ and acquaintance and not a friend. There was no loyalty broken.

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This next test of loyalty and friendship hit me pretty hard, harder than I thought. I kinda saw it coming but never would have guessed it would bother me so much. This person was an acquaintance that turned into a friendship about 2 years ago. She was there for me and helped me repair my marriage, I confided in her personal information and details. When I decided to divorce she was there for my, even threw me a divorce party. She expressed her dislike for my ex, the kind of person he was and the things he had done. For a few months we hung out a lot and did a lot of drinking, I soon realized that all the drinking wasn’t good for me and I slowly stopped partying with her. I still valued our friendship, just couldn’t continue down that path. She was even understanding and there for me when I was bothered by an incident with my ex and a mutual friend. So I trusted her, thought she was a good friend even with a couple of others told me to “be careful”. Then I noticed that they were exchanging a few quick conversations on social media…ok they have mutual friends its bound to happen. But then she obviously overstated her “love” for his “now” single/divorced post on Facebook, this was my first clue I was no longer her friend, that what we had shared didn’t matter to her. Here’s where I feel her loyalty and friendship crossed the line when she chose to be “great friends” with him, and purposely hanging out with him. Makes me wonder what she has told him, was she the mole that would tell him things about me that he didn’t need to know? How long has this been going on and has or did it become physical? To me this is wrong on so many levels. Loyalty and Friendship completely broken  and shattered.
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Friendship and Loyalty…Acquaintance and Friendship…where’s the line? Two separate “friends” questioned my loyalty and my friendship this week. One told me I wasn’t loyal as a friend because I’m dating someone she did, the other broke loyalty and friendship by in lack of better terms “sided with the enemy” and became friends with my ex AFTER my divorce. I have not responded to messages or sent messages to either one. One I’m not going to fuel the fire and two the other would most likely fall on deaf ears. So instead I bring it to my blog 🙂

I would love to hear you thoughts on this. Let me know what you think and your definition of friendship and acquaintance and when that line of loyalty is crossed.

I will say I am very happy with where my life is and the road I am headed, I do have a handful of very trusting and loyal friends. I’m happy with the path my love life is taking, a new adventure awaits 🙂 and I do know my value and my worth. I will not let others actions define who I am as a person. I’m to old to play these games, and to wise to stay with dishonest people and be disrespected anymore.
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Do I dare compare??

What do you compare? Neighbors yards, cars, jobs, kids, your body, your marriage, your life? The biggest question to ask is WHY? Why are we so hung-up on comparing  ourselves with other people, most people we don’t even know, and in most comparisons we are negatively cutting ourselves down mentally and spiritually. When we compare ourselves we strip ourselves of Joy!
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You aren’t being fair to yourself when you compare. Lets begin with different areas of our lives, our career or success or lack of success. You may wonder how someone has succeeded farther than you, or has achieved more than you when you “clearly” are smarter. But are you? This other person has positive attitude, works hard, and enjoys the career…do you? Lets flip it, the person is a dip, barely gets by but manipulates others and has climb the ladder with deceit and lies…why would you continue to put energy in comparing yourself with this person. Your energy should be a positive one focusing on you and what you can do for your career, move up or move on. Stop worrying about what others are or aren’t doing, it takes your focus away on whats important…YOU!

A big comparison that us women make is as Mothers. We compare what other moms do and don’t do with their kids. STOP!! Our kids aren’t their kids and vice versa. So what if that mom goes to all the PTA meetings, so what if that mom puts their kids in multiple extra activities, so what if that mom is always running around and taking their kids to culture sites and events. Maybe their kids like it maybe their kids hate it and are miserable but they don’t care. Maybe that mom is miserable and crys herself to sleep every night.  We as mom’s need to stop comparing what other moms are doing and how other moms are acting. You should be focusing on your child and what makes them happy and what makes sense to your family. Its ok if you kid doesn’t do art work every weekend, its ok if you kid isn’t in sports. Ask yourself this, is my child happy? I’ve been guilty of this, thinking dang what did I do wrong? Maybe I should have read more to my son, maybe I should have dragged him to museums, maybe I should have traveled more with him. Well guess what I didn’t, and its ok. What I did do was raise a respectful member of society and I couldn’t be prouder. Does he like museums? NO! Does he like sports…well yes but he has chosen not to play. And that is whats important HE CHOSE. What I am trying to do is show him that he has choices and with those choices come responsibility and sometimes consequences. Every family is different and we should never compare ourselves to other mothers or fathers. They may expose their children to more activities and cultural places, but their kids could be miserable or complete brats and entitled individuals. So next time you doubt your choices as a parent remember that EVERY child is different, there is no HANDBOOK on parenting, and whats important is your child is happy.

BODY SHAMING!! We all do it…STOP!! This is a big comparison what we do. I should be this, I should be that. We were not all created to be the same, so why are we striving to be like the person next to us? Health and exercise is very important but not everyone is made to be an athlete, bodybuilder or pilates queen. So many elements affect our bodies, its ok to not be the thinnest, the strongest, the most flexible. Don’t compare yourself to someone who 1. who works out 5-6 days a week, they haven’t always been that way, 2. someone who has a different life than you. Yes we all have the same 24 hours in a day, yes we choose whats important to us and our priorities, NO they are not better than us if we don’t follow their lifestyle. Stop comparing, because you never know whats going on behind closed doors, whats going on in their heads. Heck they could be jealous of you!! This is a perfect time to write down 3 positive things about you every morning, or schedule yourself a boudoir photo shoot, do something to boost your self-esteem. Be proud of the body you have, if you don’t like certain things than change them…for you and nobody else!  I have rolls, cellulite, extra bounce in my step and extra bubble in my butt. I have my moments of body shaming, I should be this, I should be that. I need to focus, if she can I can…but you know what its OK!! I’m doing what I can for me and my life. I’m taking little steps to get to where I’m comfortable. At the same time I can’t and shouldn’t complain about my body IF I’M NOT WILLING TO WORK AT CHANGING IT! Lets be real, neither can you. How can you complain if you aren’t doing ANYTHING to change? All you are doing is adding negativity to your life. The only person you should be comparing your self to is the you of yesterday! Stop trying to do it all at once too, that will only lead to disappointment. Make changes small, focus on one thing at a time. If you need help or suggestions I am here for you. My first step is my nutrition, I’ve cut out sugar, fast food, processed foods and late night snacking. Once I have completed that goal (minimum 30 days) I will move on to the next and incorporate a workout 3 days a week, same time and same days each week. Again I will do what fits my life style, not what someone else is  doing. I do suggest getting a professional trainer so you can learn the best exercises for your body and your goals! DON’T FOLLOW WHAT YOUR FRIEND IS DOING…they are not you!
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Love who you are, love where you are. WE all have flaws, bumps and bruises, scars and pasts! Be proud of your body and where its been and what it’s carried you through. Love your body and do whats best for you!  Stop comparing yourself to yesteryear, to magazines, to Instagrams and especially filtered fake photos!! And most important if someone makes you feel ashamed for your body THEY ARE NO GOOD FOR YOU and you need to delete them from your life.
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Relationships….ooohhh another big one where we compare…STOP!! Stop comparing your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend to others. No two relationships are the same, nobody is perfect and no relationship is perfect. What people post or choose to share isn’t the whole truth. Again another example of you don’t know what is going on behind closed doors.  If you don’t stray from your wants and needs in a partner then you wont need to compare or be miserable in your relationship. We look outside at others and compare and are jealous because there is something missing in ours. Relationships take two, two people who want to make it work and two people to keep it going, but it only takes one to destroy it. Don’t settle, if you feel you have, try to do what you can to fix it. But don’t ever feel ashamed or feel you failed if you need to end the relationship. I personally decided to divorce because I truly knew I wasn’t in a healthy relationship, my ex husband wasn’t supportive of me, he body shamed me, verbally cut me down, did nothing for this family positively. Yeah he worked but that’s it. I truly knew I needed more and I deserved better. I was seeing other healthy marriages, and that’s when I “woke-up” I knew deep down I was not going to be able to fix this and I needed to make a change for my health and for my son. 5 months later my body, my heart physically let me know the damage I had endured over the last 3 years and that was the scariest and most eye-opening experience I have ever had. Today I am finally true to me, I truly love me and I will not settle or compromise my wants and needs. I have learned and I have grown, I love myself more and I WILL NEVER SETTLE AGAIN!
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Although it is easier said than done, not comparing, it is something that you can work on. Be happy with you, want a change than change it. Stop comparing your life to others in a negative way. Stop comparing your significant other, stop comparing your kids, be thankful for what you have. Instead of comparing with everyone and anyone, choose people who inspire you instead. Your life is your life and nobody elses. You are a good person, you are a good parent, you are GOOD!

I’m hoping this blog will help someone, this blog is a little more personal and doesn’t really have any funny parts. Comparing ourselves to others is something I see a lot, and I want people to realize how unhealthy it is. And there’s a difference from comparing someone and admiring someone. When you compare you are cutting yourself down, when you admire you are feeding positivity and making positive changes in your life.
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Its OK to say NO

Ahhh the word NO…so easy to say and spell yet so hard to do! How many have this problem? Wether it comes to your kids, spouse, friend and or work?

I’ve slowly started learning what NO means and how it is OK to say it. Is not always a negative thing, it can actually save your life, your health, your relationship, your stress.

Repeat after me…thank you but NO….thank you but NO…thank you but NO

When it comes to kids, that’s kinda easy we say no to things that will hurt them, too much sugar, bad influences etc, but what about to friends, loved ones, your boss…how easy is it for you to say NO?
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Saying NO should never make you feel guilty or selfish. Saying NO should show others that you are in control of your life. We as women, especially mothers we tend to forget to say no because we focus on our family’s, how we can help, provide and take care of. When saying NO could be the best thing for them, and you.

 

Lets start with friends, you will have friends that come and go, and you will have friends you love but know that being around them isn’t what your life and your mental health needs; so saying NO I can’t and don’t want to hang out is OK. Don’t feel bad, if you need explain why… i.e. your behavior isn’t something I want to be around, I love you and will be here for you when you need me but I can’t hangout with you. Just like we tell our kids, you are who you associate with. If they are truly your friend they will understand and hopefully make plans with you that is suitable for you and them.friends
Your work, you boss will continue to ask you to go above and beyond as long as you let them. and if it’s not leading to a higher pay or position then it’s not benefiting you or your family in any way. You need to have boundaries even with your employer. “I wish I could, but I am going to have to say NO because…” Make sure you boss understands why, don’t just say NO and walk away that = FIRED! At the same time know what truly is expected of you, when your review is and document how and when you went above and beyond. If you can’t say NO, make sure all your YES’S benefit you! 740ae0af399a4bde1f93759f4bf9db7e
AHHH your spouse, significant other…how do you say NO? And I’m not just talking sexually…I’m talking when your spouse asks so much of you, you start to get taken advantage of. Relationships aren’t 50/50, but it should be 100/100. When you start to feel you never say NO, and they always say NO or I CAN’T etc…then your boundaries have been crossed and you aren’t being respected. Respect = Love and your partner should respect your boundries.
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We all need boundaries, and there are people who will push your boundaries but you need to stand tall and firm. This is your wellbeing, your health and personally speaking…your stress…and stress CAN DO HARM IF NOT KILL!!  There is a great book to help you in finding your boundries, where they come from and why you may not have any. I HIGHLY recommend this book!
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your By: Henry Cloud

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So remember it’s OK to say NO and it’s not selfish or mean. Its taking your life back and controlling what and who comes into your life. boundaries make us who we are, you need to find yourself again, I needed to find myself again. I will not feel guilty or selfish for telling someone NO. Its respect for yourself and if your loved ones, friends, boss have respect for you they will understand your NO!!

Repeat after me…its OK to say NO! ITS OK TO SAY NO!! ITS OK TO SAY NO!!

To end the blog, heres a little something fun..fun ways to say NO…from Justin Musk31176f5088a019463756261b7432c51f

Dating after a divorce

Is HORRIBLE!! Haaa haaa ok maybe not that bad, but at my age I hate dating, the games, the questions, the doubt. Dating is one of those necessary evils. So how do we handle it, with all the crazy dating apps and just plain crazy out there? Here’s what I’ve done, and yep there’s some comical parts but it helped me get to where I’m at today. 

I’m sure a lot has to do with our age, how long we were married, why we divorced and if there are kids involved. But I’m going to write about my point of view, 42 years old, second divorce, was married 4 years and we have no kids together. 

As an independent woman I hear all the time “you don’t need a man” or I hear “you’re so beautiful why are you single” Single girls like hearing that as much as newlyweds like hearing “when are you going by to have a baby” For me, yes I need a man, I’m human, I’m a woman and I enjoy companionship and being loved and adored. Completely different then needing a man to pay my way. As far as the “you’re so beautiful…I have no answer lol. I’ve been told I’m intimidating to guys and I don’t get hit on in fear of rejection 🙄. Blah blah blah 

Ok let’s get done to my thoughts on dating. I hate it, I really do. At 42 how do I date, I’ve never been one to date multiple guys at once; trust me I tried and it’s exhausting. I don’t have a ton of free time and trying to juggle not just conversations but first dates as well, no thank you. Dating apps what the heck happened there!!! People have lost their mind. Yep I was on Plenty of Fish, Tinder and Bumble. I had a couple nice first dates, but mainly crazy dick pick, titty wanting creeps!! Who are the women showing these guys their boobs to where it’s acceptable to ask on the first conversation!! WOMEN STOP DEGRADING YOURSELF FOR A DATE!!!!  Hey I’m not saying we don’t like attention or someone to make us feel beautiful but come on ladies have some self respect!! So needless to say dating sites are not for me. So now where…

Dating after a divorce, for me I wasn’t crushed by my divorce, I still believe in love ever after, however my divorce did leave me with big trust issues. My ideas changed, priorities have changed and what I want in my partner. I’d like to say it’s easy to not fall back to the same pattern but it’s hard. My typical guy…the “hot bod, chiseled features, bad boy let’s have some crazy fun” Well tried that numerous times and it never works out. Ended in heartache, headache and disappointment. At this age it’s time to reevaluate what’s important.

So I have a lists of wants, needs and must haves in a man. I’ve gone on dates with guys who are perfect on paper but when I met them…nothing 😕. I seriously thought I was broken. Then I stopped being hard on myself and realized there’s nothing wrong with my expectations. There should be a connection, and it shouldn’t be forced. And I believe you can tell on the first date. So I kept moving on. I finally had a first date that well couldn’t have been better, we talked and walked and got caught in the rain LOL. There was a connection and I truly wanted to see this guy again, learn about him more, compare stories, laugh and see what happens. I realized I’m not broken! 😁 I have no idea where this going to go, I’m just taking it day by day. I’m going out of my comfort zone by letting it flow naturally, no questions, no doubt. 

My priorities when I was in my 20’s 1. Be hot 2. Like to party 3. No future. 

My priorities when I was in my 30’s 1. Must like kids 2. Must like animals 3. Be hot 4. Be funny 5. Is there a future?

My priorities now in my 40’s 1. Can I trust you 2. Must like kids and pets  3. Genuine 4. Make me laugh 5. Respectful 6. Impress my head and heart 7. Is there a future? 

See dating now isn’t just for free meals or a fun night. It’s do I see this person in my life long term. Will they have the qualities I’m needing in a partner, can they handle my moods, my goofiness, my needs? I know what I can give in a relationship and I have always been pretty open about it. My problem is I would allow my standards to change and mold to the guy instead of fining a guy who is my standard. 

Now after Divorce #2 I am learning to stay strong in who I am, what I like and I’m finding myself again. Realizing I let myself go for a guy because I needed him to accept me. Now I know I need a guy who accepts me for me, all of me the good and the bad. I want to grow with someone not change for someone. 

I’m not afraid of love, I’m a hopeless romantic! So ladies don’t loose yourself, don’t give up on love. It’s there, but stay true to you, your values, morals and self respect! There’s nothing wrong with wanting a relationship just don’t force it. It is true you need to be comfortable in your skin, comfortable alone and you have to love yourself first. You can still be independent and want a partner, someone to grow old with, someone to balance you, someone to love you unconditionally, BUT NEVER SETTLE!!