Dating after a divorce

Is HORRIBLE!! Haaa haaa ok maybe not that bad, but at my age I hate dating, the games, the questions, the doubt. Dating is one of those necessary evils. So how do we handle it, with all the crazy dating apps and just plain crazy out there? Here’s what I’ve done, and yep there’s some comical parts but it helped me get to where I’m at today. 

I’m sure a lot has to do with our age, how long we were married, why we divorced and if there are kids involved. But I’m going to write about my point of view, 42 years old, second divorce, was married 4 years and we have no kids together. 

As an independent woman I hear all the time “you don’t need a man” or I hear “you’re so beautiful why are you single” Single girls like hearing that as much as newlyweds like hearing “when are you going by to have a baby” For me, yes I need a man, I’m human, I’m a woman and I enjoy companionship and being loved and adored. Completely different then needing a man to pay my way. As far as the “you’re so beautiful…I have no answer lol. I’ve been told I’m intimidating to guys and I don’t get hit on in fear of rejection šŸ™„. Blah blah blah 

Ok let’s get done to my thoughts on dating. I hate it, I really do. At 42 how do I date, I’ve never been one to date multiple guys at once; trust me I tried and it’s exhausting. I don’t have a ton of free time and trying to juggle not just conversations but first dates as well, no thank you. Dating apps what the heck happened there!!! People have lost their mind. Yep I was on Plenty of Fish, Tinder and Bumble. I had a couple nice first dates, but mainly crazy dick pick, titty wanting creeps!! Who are the women showing these guys their boobs to where it’s acceptable to ask on the first conversation!! WOMEN STOP DEGRADING YOURSELF FOR A DATE!!!!  Hey I’m not saying we don’t like attention or someone to make us feel beautiful but come on ladies have some self respect!! So needless to say dating sites are not for me. So now where…

Dating after a divorce, for me I wasn’t crushed by my divorce, I still believe in love ever after, however my divorce did leave me with big trust issues. My ideas changed, priorities have changed and what I want in my partner. I’d like to say it’s easy to not fall back to the same pattern but it’s hard. My typical guy…the “hot bod, chiseled features, bad boy let’s have some crazy fun” Well tried that numerous times and it never works out. Ended in heartache, headache and disappointment. At this age it’s time to reevaluate what’s important.

So I have a lists of wants, needs and must haves in a man. I’ve gone on dates with guys who are perfect on paper but when I met them…nothing šŸ˜•. I seriously thought I was broken. Then I stopped being hard on myself and realized there’s nothing wrong with my expectations. There should be a connection, and it shouldn’t be forced. And I believe you can tell on the first date. So I kept moving on. I finally had a first date that well couldn’t have been better, we talked and walked and got caught in the rain LOL. There was a connection and I truly wanted to see this guy again, learn about him more, compare stories, laugh and see what happens. I realized I’m not broken! šŸ˜ I have no idea where this going to go, I’m just taking it day by day. I’m going out of my comfort zone by letting it flow naturally, no questions, no doubt. 

My priorities when I was in my 20’s 1. Be hot 2. Like to party 3. No future. 

My priorities when I was in my 30’s 1. Must like kids 2. Must like animals 3. Be hot 4. Be funny 5. Is there a future?

My priorities now in my 40’s 1. Can I trust you 2. Must like kids and pets  3. Genuine 4. Make me laugh 5. Respectful 6. Impress my head and heart 7. Is there a future? 

See dating now isn’t just for free meals or a fun night. It’s do I see this person in my life long term. Will they have the qualities I’m needing in a partner, can they handle my moods, my goofiness, my needs? I know what I can give in a relationship and I have always been pretty open about it. My problem is I would allow my standards to change and mold to the guy instead of fining a guy who is my standard. 

Now after Divorce #2 I am learning to stay strong in who I am, what I like and I’m finding myself again. Realizing I let myself go for a guy because I needed him to accept me. Now I know I need a guy who accepts me for me, all of me the good and the bad. I want to grow with someone not change for someone. 

I’m not afraid of love, I’m a hopeless romantic! So ladies don’t loose yourself, don’t give up on love. It’s there, but stay true to you, your values, morals and self respect! There’s nothing wrong with wanting a relationship just don’t force it. It is true you need to be comfortable in your skin, comfortable alone and you have to love yourself first. You can still be independent and want a partner, someone to grow old with, someone to balance you, someone to love you unconditionally, BUT NEVER SETTLE!! 

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