Do I dare compare??

What do you compare? Neighbors yards, cars, jobs, kids, your body, your marriage, your life? The biggest question to ask is WHY? Why are we so hung-up on comparing  ourselves with other people, most people we don’t even know, and in most comparisons we are negatively cutting ourselves down mentally and spiritually. When we compare ourselves we strip ourselves of Joy!
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You aren’t being fair to yourself when you compare. Lets begin with different areas of our lives, our career or success or lack of success. You may wonder how someone has succeeded farther than you, or has achieved more than you when you “clearly” are smarter. But are you? This other person has positive attitude, works hard, and enjoys the career…do you? Lets flip it, the person is a dip, barely gets by but manipulates others and has climb the ladder with deceit and lies…why would you continue to put energy in comparing yourself with this person. Your energy should be a positive one focusing on you and what you can do for your career, move up or move on. Stop worrying about what others are or aren’t doing, it takes your focus away on whats important…YOU!

A big comparison that us women make is as Mothers. We compare what other moms do and don’t do with their kids. STOP!! Our kids aren’t their kids and vice versa. So what if that mom goes to all the PTA meetings, so what if that mom puts their kids in multiple extra activities, so what if that mom is always running around and taking their kids to culture sites and events. Maybe their kids like it maybe their kids hate it and are miserable but they don’t care. Maybe that mom is miserable and crys herself to sleep every night.  We as mom’s need to stop comparing what other moms are doing and how other moms are acting. You should be focusing on your child and what makes them happy and what makes sense to your family. Its ok if you kid doesn’t do art work every weekend, its ok if you kid isn’t in sports. Ask yourself this, is my child happy? I’ve been guilty of this, thinking dang what did I do wrong? Maybe I should have read more to my son, maybe I should have dragged him to museums, maybe I should have traveled more with him. Well guess what I didn’t, and its ok. What I did do was raise a respectful member of society and I couldn’t be prouder. Does he like museums? NO! Does he like sports…well yes but he has chosen not to play. And that is whats important HE CHOSE. What I am trying to do is show him that he has choices and with those choices come responsibility and sometimes consequences. Every family is different and we should never compare ourselves to other mothers or fathers. They may expose their children to more activities and cultural places, but their kids could be miserable or complete brats and entitled individuals. So next time you doubt your choices as a parent remember that EVERY child is different, there is no HANDBOOK on parenting, and whats important is your child is happy.

BODY SHAMING!! We all do it…STOP!! This is a big comparison what we do. I should be this, I should be that. We were not all created to be the same, so why are we striving to be like the person next to us? Health and exercise is very important but not everyone is made to be an athlete, bodybuilder or pilates queen. So many elements affect our bodies, its ok to not be the thinnest, the strongest, the most flexible. Don’t compare yourself to someone who 1. who works out 5-6 days a week, they haven’t always been that way, 2. someone who has a different life than you. Yes we all have the same 24 hours in a day, yes we choose whats important to us and our priorities, NO they are not better than us if we don’t follow their lifestyle. Stop comparing, because you never know whats going on behind closed doors, whats going on in their heads. Heck they could be jealous of you!! This is a perfect time to write down 3 positive things about you every morning, or schedule yourself a boudoir photo shoot, do something to boost your self-esteem. Be proud of the body you have, if you don’t like certain things than change them…for you and nobody else!  I have rolls, cellulite, extra bounce in my step and extra bubble in my butt. I have my moments of body shaming, I should be this, I should be that. I need to focus, if she can I can…but you know what its OK!! I’m doing what I can for me and my life. I’m taking little steps to get to where I’m comfortable. At the same time I can’t and shouldn’t complain about my body IF I’M NOT WILLING TO WORK AT CHANGING IT! Lets be real, neither can you. How can you complain if you aren’t doing ANYTHING to change? All you are doing is adding negativity to your life. The only person you should be comparing your self to is the you of yesterday! Stop trying to do it all at once too, that will only lead to disappointment. Make changes small, focus on one thing at a time. If you need help or suggestions I am here for you. My first step is my nutrition, I’ve cut out sugar, fast food, processed foods and late night snacking. Once I have completed that goal (minimum 30 days) I will move on to the next and incorporate a workout 3 days a week, same time and same days each week. Again I will do what fits my life style, not what someone else is  doing. I do suggest getting a professional trainer so you can learn the best exercises for your body and your goals! DON’T FOLLOW WHAT YOUR FRIEND IS DOING…they are not you!
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Love who you are, love where you are. WE all have flaws, bumps and bruises, scars and pasts! Be proud of your body and where its been and what it’s carried you through. Love your body and do whats best for you!  Stop comparing yourself to yesteryear, to magazines, to Instagrams and especially filtered fake photos!! And most important if someone makes you feel ashamed for your body THEY ARE NO GOOD FOR YOU and you need to delete them from your life.
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Relationships….ooohhh another big one where we compare…STOP!! Stop comparing your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend to others. No two relationships are the same, nobody is perfect and no relationship is perfect. What people post or choose to share isn’t the whole truth. Again another example of you don’t know what is going on behind closed doors.  If you don’t stray from your wants and needs in a partner then you wont need to compare or be miserable in your relationship. We look outside at others and compare and are jealous because there is something missing in ours. Relationships take two, two people who want to make it work and two people to keep it going, but it only takes one to destroy it. Don’t settle, if you feel you have, try to do what you can to fix it. But don’t ever feel ashamed or feel you failed if you need to end the relationship. I personally decided to divorce because I truly knew I wasn’t in a healthy relationship, my ex husband wasn’t supportive of me, he body shamed me, verbally cut me down, did nothing for this family positively. Yeah he worked but that’s it. I truly knew I needed more and I deserved better. I was seeing other healthy marriages, and that’s when I “woke-up” I knew deep down I was not going to be able to fix this and I needed to make a change for my health and for my son. 5 months later my body, my heart physically let me know the damage I had endured over the last 3 years and that was the scariest and most eye-opening experience I have ever had. Today I am finally true to me, I truly love me and I will not settle or compromise my wants and needs. I have learned and I have grown, I love myself more and I WILL NEVER SETTLE AGAIN!
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Although it is easier said than done, not comparing, it is something that you can work on. Be happy with you, want a change than change it. Stop comparing your life to others in a negative way. Stop comparing your significant other, stop comparing your kids, be thankful for what you have. Instead of comparing with everyone and anyone, choose people who inspire you instead. Your life is your life and nobody elses. You are a good person, you are a good parent, you are GOOD!

I’m hoping this blog will help someone, this blog is a little more personal and doesn’t really have any funny parts. Comparing ourselves to others is something I see a lot, and I want people to realize how unhealthy it is. And there’s a difference from comparing someone and admiring someone. When you compare you are cutting yourself down, when you admire you are feeding positivity and making positive changes in your life.
love

 

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